Bleh

Ugh. I just feel bleh today. I hate feeling this way because I can't pin point why I feel bleh. I just know that I do. Matt is set to sign all his paperwork tomorrow and for some reason I feel like something is going to happen to muck it all up. I'm sure its just anxiety. I've been waiting for this for the last year and now that its finally here, I kind of can't believe it. Its like I don't know how to do anything else but stress about it. Think of all the free brain space I'm going to have when this is outta there! I can't wait.

Matt said he is going to do it first thing in the morning but I'm trying to talk him into doing it a little later so that Logan and I can come. I was at his last one. Its really not a big deal. He swears in and then signs a piece of paper. Gets a folder and a picture and done. I know its not a "thing" but to me it kind of is. Its for 10 years, which is not a small amount of time. It puts me at almost 40 when its up. Oh My God. I didn't realize that until I typed it....and looking at it freaks me out. And yes, Logan is 16 months old and has no idea what is going on but I think he should be there. I would like to have a picture of Matt holding Logan at his re-enlistment. I think his mom would get a kick out of it too. But we'll see how it goes.

Its supposed to cool down about 20 degrees tonight and for the next few days. There is even a slight chance of rain later today. I really truly hate the sun. I don't enjoy happy, frilly things. I just don't. I belong in the grey and gloom. It calms me. It settles me. 300 days of sun and 75+ degree weather is not making for a happy me.

Which reminds me, I told Matt this morning about my therapy session on Friday. He kind of didn't say anything. We've talked about me wanting to start therapy before when I first contacted MOS about getting referred. It really makes me mad because he takes everything so effing personally. He assumes that because I want to go to therapy that I'm miserable, hate my life, hate him and he's a horrible husband, father and person. No matter how many times I tell him that's not it, he just doesn't compute. This is about ME. No one else. Just me. So I know that's what was rolling through his brain when I told him I was going. But I guess I'll take pleasure in the fact that at least this time he was decent enough not to say it and keep it inside his head. I'm sure he'll want to have some grand discussion about it when I get home and I don't know how I'll feel about that yet.