Monday, November 29, 2010

I feel like I'm in a glass case of emotion, as Ron Burgandy would say.

I have some things going in my life right now that are going to cause some serious decisions for both Matt and I to make. Thankfully we've talked about these things a bit and I think we're in agreement of the general direction we want to go. And we are both committed to talking thru those decisions thuroughly and coming to joint decisions. And to supporting eachother as those decisions play out. I just wish that life came with a map to our individual journey so that we wouldn't need to make these decisions and worry about where they will take us.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I Thought You Were Supposed to be Working??

Matt was supposed to be on CQ today. Which means he works 9am-9am. So when he left the house this morning at 830 I expected to not see him until tomorrow morning. Perhaps he'd be able to make it home for dinner tonight after Logan was in bed. But the guy he's supposed to be working with told him he had a ton of homework and studying to do so as long as Matt was back by 6 tonight, he could split for a while. So Matt walked back in the door at 1030am.

I was kind of glad he walked in the door as I was vaccuuming. I really think he thinks Logan and I just sit all cherry and happy on the couch or on the floor all day long while he's at work. Nice for him to see that house things still have to be done and Logan is cranky when he's late for a nap or a bottle.

I have to say I was really looking forward to Matt working all day today. There is something nice about a day on my own schedule and able to do whatever I want with fella. When he's around he's constantly asking what Logan needs. "Do you need to feed him, does he need to be changed? Isn't it time for him to eat soon?" Yes, d-bag, I've got this under control and I love how you ask me what I need to be doing for the kid lol. Plus with Thanksgiving, we've had 72 hours of football on TV and I just can't take anymore. I'm so glad that the season is just about over. I don't care about the stats or the players or anything else. Of course he walks in the door, changes out of his uniform and immediately picks up the remote and puts on Sportscenter. UGH!!! Thankfully he went to go sleep for a while since he will be up all night. Again, this means I can't get some of the housework done that I need to get done. Plus he's working nights all week so it means lots of daytime sleeping for him. Again, just getting in the way.

He should head back in the next couple hours and I'm just ordering chinese for dinner. No cooking for me. Even when he works nights I make dinner and stick the extra in the fridge for him when he gets home, but today he's not coming home so he's on his own for food :) Probably pack up the last of the turkey leftovers so that he can take that with him.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

I'm feeling a little lost these last few days. I just feel sad. For what I'm not sure. I guess it could just be that I'm heading home in a couple weeks and the closer it gets the more homesick I realize I am. Or it could be something else entirely.

Thanksgiving went really well. Other than the annoyingly over the top PDA couple that decided to make out all over my house. I was not pleased and probably made it very clear to her with the evil looks I was throwing her way. But Matt spoke to them about it, then her boyfriend spoke to her about it. She threw a tantrum and pouted the rest of the time. So I threw her a couple glares and then completely ignored her exsistence. Making it clear that the only person's holiday she was going to ruin was her own. And possibly her boyfriends.

But as I was standing in my kitchen making dinner I started to cry. I just remember standing in the kitchen of my great grandparents and learning to make all these things from the time I was very little. Its always my favorite time of year, this season. Gramme loved the holidays because the whole family got together. She passed that on to me. After she died and certainly after Boompa died my grandmother didn't want to do anything for the holidays. It made her sad. But I knew how important those times were to Gramme and she would be furious if we didn't honor them. So I told her I would do all the work. The cooking, the decorating and all the wrapping. I needed that to continue.

So now that I live a lifestyle that doesn't always allow for me to be with my family at these times, I carry on that tradition here. I'm so thankful for those years spent on a chair at the stove and hours at the dining room table cutting and chopping because now I know how to do all those things. I can make a holiday meal like no one's business and I'll pass those lessons on to my kids. Whether they want them or not. I think Thanksgiving is particularly hard for me because I didn't go to her last one. I opted out of my families Thanksgiving to go to Matt's family. It was our first year dating and I didn't know his parents very well. I thought it best to make a good impression and accept their invitation to dinner. My family understood and wasn't upset of course, but had I known I wouldn't get another with Gramme........hindsight is 20/20 right. I guess and least I'm thankful for the fact that in the military you can always find people to share the holidays with. Someone always stays behind. And lets face it, I always have family with me. I have my husband and my son. It just seems so odd to me that Matt and I are Logan's family. We are our own family.

I'm sad for our friend Stephanie. She and her husband were trying to expand their family by another bouncy baby and she had a miscarriage last week. Its not a fun experiance if you've never had one. And for someone who is activily trying to get pregnant and have a baby it can be devestating. She is in a lot of grief and pain right now and nothing I can say to her will help. I feel badly because she is in NC and I'm here. I know we weren't super close while they were here but I so feel her pain and want to help her through it however I can. I suppose just being here to listen is the most help I could give her and I can certainly do that from a couple states away.

For now I'll focus on getting the last few things done around here that I need to before I leave for the holidays and then I'll be home with family.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Ah marriage. I've always heard everyone say that marriage is work. Not only is it work, but its hard work. I've never understood what that meant. How do you work on something like marriage? A relationship either works or it doesn't. And by the time you get married you should certainly know if your relationship can work or not. Marriage is about communication, compromising and love. All of which you should know whether or not you as a couple are able to do before you get married.

Except now that I'm married, I get that its work. Except I still don't know how the hell it is your supposed to work on it. We communicate. We are really good about talking to eachother about things and discussing before we do. We both compromise for eachother all the time. Not in a bad way, just in a it will make the other person happy so I'll do it for them. And obviously we love eachother. So what is it we are supposed to be working on? And when we figure that out how the hell are we supposed to work on it?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Pectus Excavatum

Matt is on leave this week. Originally we were going to drive to Dallas to visit his brother and his wife. We were both really looking forward to this trip. However Matt's kidney stone and the Army's reluctance to do anything to get rid of the thing has ruined our plans yet again.

He is having to see a urologist off Post and have a procedure done to remove the stone. I won't get into detail but it involves a claw on a very long stick and will be inserted via an already exsisting hole. I'm sure he'll be thrilled. Unfortunately since he has had it for so long they are also going to have to insert a stint to keep the urethra open whilst it heals and then about 10 days later he'll have to go in to have the same procedure to remove the stint. Poor guy.

We took Logan to his 4 month check up this week. He recieved one of the shots he needs and has to go back at the end of the week to recieve another that they were out of. He was a trooper though. Only cried for a moment or two and then was back to smiling and laughing at all the people he saw. He truly is an unusually happy baby. Something I am more and more grateful for everytime I see an unruly baby.

We also had to take him to get some chest xrays. He has had a depression in his chest since birth but it was slight and we were told it was only visible because he had lost so much weight after birth. As he grew it would fill out. Well it hasn't. In fact as he gains weight he is becoming more and more dominant. So I did a bit of research and had the xrays taken. Turns out I was right and he has a condition called Pectus Excavatum. Which is basically where his sternum bends back towards his spine instead of out towards his chest. Apparently he has a mild case, though I'm not sure what that means in relation to others but fine. It may need to be corrected as a teen. It may begin to impede his breathing ability and it may not. It's something we'll watch and begin to discuss corrective options when he's old enough to have some input and decision making ability.

Other than that he is completely healthy weighing in at 17.2 lbs and over 26 inches long.

I'm doing a Thanksgiving dinner here at the house for soldiers who aren't going home for the holiday. I've forbidden them from sitting alone in their barracks or homes and eating at the d-fac. No reason they can't enjoy a home cooked turkey dinner. Thank goodness my great-grandmother spent all those years insisting I learn how to prepare holiday meals. Now they won't go to waste.

In a little over a month Logan and I will be flying home to Seattle for Christmas. Matt will follow a few days later when block leave begins. I haven't been home in over 18 months and for Matt it will be just under 2 years so it will be nice to have a full 2 weeks home together. I have been thinking of possibly changing my flight and going home even a few days earlier since so many people have yet to see Logan. but really I don't want to spend the extra hundreds of dollars since we already spent close to a grand to fly home in the first place. Plus I think Matt would really miss Logan being gone that long. We'll see what happens.