How invested are you?

I'm always telling Matt how evil technology is. I think it really robs people of living an actual life. Why go out and risk getting your heart hurt when you can hide behind a computer from the safety of your own living room? We're always talking about how technology has gone too far. We watched that Jeopardy special with the 2 best players in history playing against a computer. The idea that a machine can comprehend and think for itself really freaks me out. And honestly I wouldn't call a "Terminator" situation where machines turn on man out of the question.

Yet here I sit. Blogging. On the internet. I too have become sucked into the world of techy goodness. I have friends in real life. The really great ones are at home, but the ones here are tried and true as well. I have a social life that requires me to leave the house. Even when I most don't want to. But I also have internet friends. People I've never, and honestly 99% likely never will, lay on eyes on, share a cup of coffee with or have family dinners together. But at times I feel closer to this set of friends than any other.

Why?

And is that healthy?

I am a member of a military spouse forum. Have been now for about 3 years. Its given me an opportunity to get information I NEVER would have found on my own. Its given me a place to vent, cry and laugh about things. Its also caused me to become more affirmed of my views, morals and standards. Which has also led to more than one unnecessary headache. Nothing cements your views more than listening to someone of the complete opposite compus spout theirs let me tell you.

Anyway, I have a "friend" on this forum. In no other sense of the word than we post and reply to the same topics and questions on the forum and we are friends on Facebook. Thats it. We don't talk on the phone. I honestly don't know that I could tell you 100% for sure what part of the country she lives in without having to look it up first. The one thing I can tell you about her with certainty is that she wants to be a mother. And her and her husband have been having a great deal of difficulty achieving that goal in life. After a very long battle trying to concieve (which included mulitple mis-diagnosis of what the problem causing the difficulty in the first place was...gotta love these military docs :/ ) She informed us a few weeks ago she was pregnant. As I read those words on my computer screen I litterally yelped with joy out loud for her. To the point that Matt came into the room asking what I was so happy about. Because she is considered extremely high risk she went in for weekly ultrasounds. Every week I looked for her posting let me know there was a strong heart beat with us.

Then last week, a simple post letting me know that this week there was no heartbeat. My heart sank. How could this happen? After all it took to get that far....and then it was just a nevermind. I know that feeling of loss. I also know how it haunts you. The next pregnancy is a bit heavy with worry as you hope to just make it past the x week mark. Then everything will be ok and this is really real.

These thoughts are on my mind because today I open Facebook, and there under her name is pregnancy ticker announcing she is x weeks along and a brief discription of the babys development and growth. My first instict was to get rid of it for her. As if I could some how delete it from her profile from mine. Don't let her see it! Someone keep her busy until it falls far enough towards the bottom of the page that she won't notice!! But I can do nothing. I noticed about an hour later it was gone and I felt my eyes well. I knew she had seen it. I knew she had to feel the twinge of deleteing it from her own profile. I wanted to say I'm sorry. I wanted to offer an ear to listen or a hand to hold. But I don't know her.

Then a little later in the day I flip open to Blogger.

I am not the greatest blogger. Not for lack of trying. I can't tell you how many topics I have on here hanging in the air because I've started them and then never finished. Usually because my brain gets the better of me and I think faster than I can type and need to walk away to quiet the storm. Then I never come back to it because the moments passed. But I do make it a point to check in every couple days with the blogs I follow. Today was one of those days.

I'm scrolling through and everything is looking pretty par for the course in Blogland. Lots of people starting to enjoy the warmer weather, new love blossoming and such.

Then I see it.

I'm dead.

What?! Why would someone write that? So I open the blog. I read a page of intense pain. I read the story of a life ending.

What happened? Is she ok? Someone check on her! Call someone! Who do I call??

It appears as though she is fine and resting in capable care. But that doesn't stop me from worrying and wanting to check in. To tell her I've felt her pain before and it will end. It hurts. In blinding way. Thats why she can't see the light at the end of her tunnel. But its there. And it is growing closer.

So how much do you care? And how much is too much?