I'm feeling a little lost these last few days. I just feel sad. For what I'm not sure. I guess it could just be that I'm heading home in a couple weeks and the closer it gets the more homesick I realize I am. Or it could be something else entirely.

Thanksgiving went really well. Other than the annoyingly over the top PDA couple that decided to make out all over my house. I was not pleased and probably made it very clear to her with the evil looks I was throwing her way. But Matt spoke to them about it, then her boyfriend spoke to her about it. She threw a tantrum and pouted the rest of the time. So I threw her a couple glares and then completely ignored her exsistence. Making it clear that the only person's holiday she was going to ruin was her own. And possibly her boyfriends.

But as I was standing in my kitchen making dinner I started to cry. I just remember standing in the kitchen of my great grandparents and learning to make all these things from the time I was very little. Its always my favorite time of year, this season. Gramme loved the holidays because the whole family got together. She passed that on to me. After she died and certainly after Boompa died my grandmother didn't want to do anything for the holidays. It made her sad. But I knew how important those times were to Gramme and she would be furious if we didn't honor them. So I told her I would do all the work. The cooking, the decorating and all the wrapping. I needed that to continue.

So now that I live a lifestyle that doesn't always allow for me to be with my family at these times, I carry on that tradition here. I'm so thankful for those years spent on a chair at the stove and hours at the dining room table cutting and chopping because now I know how to do all those things. I can make a holiday meal like no one's business and I'll pass those lessons on to my kids. Whether they want them or not. I think Thanksgiving is particularly hard for me because I didn't go to her last one. I opted out of my families Thanksgiving to go to Matt's family. It was our first year dating and I didn't know his parents very well. I thought it best to make a good impression and accept their invitation to dinner. My family understood and wasn't upset of course, but had I known I wouldn't get another with Gramme........hindsight is 20/20 right. I guess and least I'm thankful for the fact that in the military you can always find people to share the holidays with. Someone always stays behind. And lets face it, I always have family with me. I have my husband and my son. It just seems so odd to me that Matt and I are Logan's family. We are our own family.

I'm sad for our friend Stephanie. She and her husband were trying to expand their family by another bouncy baby and she had a miscarriage last week. Its not a fun experiance if you've never had one. And for someone who is activily trying to get pregnant and have a baby it can be devestating. She is in a lot of grief and pain right now and nothing I can say to her will help. I feel badly because she is in NC and I'm here. I know we weren't super close while they were here but I so feel her pain and want to help her through it however I can. I suppose just being here to listen is the most help I could give her and I can certainly do that from a couple states away.

For now I'll focus on getting the last few things done around here that I need to before I leave for the holidays and then I'll be home with family.