Logan was up at 330 this morning. He wet himself and I had to get him changed into clean dry jammies and change the sheets in his crib. So by the time I had done all of that, he was up. No way he was going back to bed. So he was up until about 6, then I was able to get him back into bed. The whole morning I was just praying he would go back to bed so I could go back to bed. Of course now that he is back in bed....I'm wide awake. I laid down for 20 min to try to go back to sleep and there was just no way it was going to happen. You know that feeling of just not being able to get comfy no matter what you do? That was me. So here I sit, blogging at 630 in the morning and watching the season finale of Real Housewives of OC. Jealous of my sophistication are you?

I really should be making a list of everything I need to pack for my trip and a list of everything I need to get done. But I don't want to. Usually I'm packed and ready to go days ahead of time, but not this trip. I'm so not excited about it I can't even motivate myself to prepare for it. I'm ignoring it really at all costs. I know everyone is probably so sick of me talking about how much I don't want to go. And even a few people have told me to just not go if its that awful for me. Except that not going isn't really an option. If it was, I wouldn't be getting on a plane in 48hrs. My mom is graduating from Graduate Progam in Nursing from the University of Washington. A really big deal back home. Logan's first birthday is going to be a huge family affair. My in laws are beyond excited to see him and have all these plans and trips are on the itinerary. Plus my sister could probably use her older sister home right now. Not that I have any idea what the hell to say to her. Or how to help her deal with all of this. I don't even really know how I feel about it. I feel extreme pity but anger too. So I have to try very hard to not let my emotions or thoughts show. Just be as neutral as I can be. Which, for me, is very difficult. I'm not one to hide my feelings. Heaven forbid someone ask me. I'm really not that good of liar. How do I even begin to navigate my way around that?

So for now, I'm sitting on the couch at almost 7am, drinking coffee and have now moved on to watching Army Wives. And of course now I hear Logan stirring awake. Well.....ok then.