Logan was up at 330 this morning. He wet himself and I had to get him changed into clean dry jammies and change the sheets in his crib. So by the time I had done all of that, he was up. No way he was going back to bed. So he was up until about 6, then I was able to get him back into bed. The whole morning I was just praying he would go back to bed so I could go back to bed. Of course now that he is back in bed....I'm wide awake. I laid down for 20 min to try to go back to sleep and there was just no way it was going to happen. You know that feeling of just not being able to get comfy no matter what you do? That was me. So here I sit, blogging at 630 in the morning and watching the season finale of Real Housewives of OC. Jealous of my sophistication are you?

I really should be making a list of everything I need to pack for my trip and a list of everything I need to get done. But I don't want to. Usually I'm packed and ready to go days ahead of time, but not this trip. I'm so not excited about it I can't even motivate myself to prepare for it. I'm ignoring it really at all costs. I know everyone is probably so sick of me talking about how much I don't want to go. And even a few people have told me to just not go if its that awful for me. Except that not going isn't really an option. If it was, I wouldn't be getting on a plane in 48hrs. My mom is graduating from Graduate Progam in Nursing from the University of Washington. A really big deal back home. Logan's first birthday is going to be a huge family affair. My in laws are beyond excited to see him and have all these plans and trips are on the itinerary. Plus my sister could probably use her older sister home right now. Not that I have any idea what the hell to say to her. Or how to help her deal with all of this. I don't even really know how I feel about it. I feel extreme pity but anger too. So I have to try very hard to not let my emotions or thoughts show. Just be as neutral as I can be. Which, for me, is very difficult. I'm not one to hide my feelings. Heaven forbid someone ask me. I'm really not that good of liar. How do I even begin to navigate my way around that?

So for now, I'm sitting on the couch at almost 7am, drinking coffee and have now moved on to watching Army Wives. And of course now I hear Logan stirring awake. Well.....ok then.

Bleh

My coffee is taking far too long to get done this morning.

I'm not in a very good mood today. I'm trying to turn it around before Matt gets up. If I don't our whole day is going to be pissy and frankly I'm too tired to deal with that right now.

Matt was supposed to get up with Fella this morning. My last chance to sleep in for the next few weeks. That didn't happen. He must have passed out while watching something last night because when we came down stairs this morning he was passed out on the couch. Then he went right upstairs to bed. Thanks. I keep telling myself I'm going to go take a nap when he does get up but even I know that won't happen. There are too many things I need to get done around here before I leave. I don't have time for a nap.

I really wish I married someone even remotely mechanical. He can't fix, build, or put anything together. I totally do all that stuff. My family is always telling me how great it is that I can do all that stuff. That I don't need a man around to do it for me. On the one hand, yes, it is great. I live a lifestyle that requires my husband be gone frequently so its beneficial that I am able to go into the tool box and get the job done. On the other hand, it gives Matt no motivation to do anything. He just tells me so I can go do it. I wish I knew how to do all that stuff but Matt didn't know it lol.

Also this is the 2nd day in a row I've gotten up and my phone has been messed with. matt's been texting with it. He hates his phone and needs a new one, but we are only a couple months away from our upgrades and he wants a super nice phone. That he is only going to destroy. So I refuse to pay for it right this moment when we can get it in just a couple months for almost next to nothing. So he's been using my phone to text back his soldiers and stuff. But then he erases all my text messages. Like I won't know he's been on it. It really irritates me for some reason. i think because I have my last phone still. It works perfectly fine, I just upgraded. I've told him to switch out the SIM and use it. "Its pink". Fine. I'll use it and you can use mine for the next couple months. "No. Thats dumb". Well than shut up about it! And stop using my phone!!

I'm really hoping this cold thing goes away before Wednesday. I really don't want to fly sick.

5 days until home

I am not looking forward to this trip home at all. I don't want to go. If it weren't for my in laws I honestly wouldn't be going. I would take the airline credit for my ticket and go on vacation somewhere else entirely. And I'm really upset that Matt isn't going to be coming home with me. Its great that he'll be meeting up with me there eventually, but 12 whole days of dealing with this catastrophe all alone....its not going to be pretty