Logan got his 12 month shots yesterday and he was doing so well, especially considering he got 5 of them. He was a little cranky the rest of the day but that was to be expected. He didn't really get much of a nap yesterday as his dr appt landed right in the middle of his afternoon nap time and I think the little bit of a cold he had left combined with no sleep knocked him for a loop.

He went to bed fairly early as I thought he would. I of course getting the opportunity to eat a quick dinner and go to bed early myself, couldn't sleep worth a crap. But he got up about 11 crying. I went in to check on him and he was burning up. Took his temp and it was 102.3 Which is not good but the pediatrition told me last time that I shouldn't take him in until it breaks 104. So I gave him some tylenol and sat up with him. He played a little but mostly laid on the living room floor and watched NickJr. At around midnight I took his temp again and it 103.8 clearly it wasn't going in the right direction. So I loaded him up and took him to the ER. They gave him something and we had to wait to see if it helped. After 4 hours and a few temp checks and tricks his fever is back down to 101 and I was able to bring him home. Alternating between tylenol and ib profen every 4 hrs the rest of the day and lots of fluid and sleep. Hoping his fever is gone by the end of the morning but at the moment he doesn't seem interested in sleep. When we got home the dog went into happy to see us mode and that appears to have given fella his second wind. So I'm going to warm up a bottle and see if I can get him down so he can sleep. And so his mama can sleep too because I've been up all night and am exhausted. Hopefully Matts TDY jump will be canceled and he can head home this morning instead of tonight.

Visti Home

I started a whole long blog about my trip home. I actually wrote it all out and its just not necessary. To be honest a few things happened while we were home that Matt and I are still processing and to write it down now probably wouldn't be fair.

Suffice it to say:

*I enjoyed seeing my oldest and dearest friends

*I enjoyed what time I did spend with my family

*I had a wonderful time with my MIL and enjoyed every minute Logan and I spent with her

* I'm so thankful for Logan's party and the people who helped out, showed up and showered my little fella with love and adoration

* It was wonderful to be out of 100 degree weather for a while

* I really love home and while I'm thankful for the opportunities to live and experience other places all over the world, it will always be home and I can't wait to move back for good.

We've decided not to go home for Christmas. Not knowing when our next PCS will be is a huge factor. Hopefully it won't be too long after the first of the year and we'll for sure go home then. It was a nice visit, I'm glad I went and I'm glad we were able to spend some time with everyone.

Working on an update about my trip home. However with toddler proofing the house and chasing this kid aroundits taking a while. I'll get it done though, I promise lol

Logan was up at 330 this morning. He wet himself and I had to get him changed into clean dry jammies and change the sheets in his crib. So by the time I had done all of that, he was up. No way he was going back to bed. So he was up until about 6, then I was able to get him back into bed. The whole morning I was just praying he would go back to bed so I could go back to bed. Of course now that he is back in bed....I'm wide awake. I laid down for 20 min to try to go back to sleep and there was just no way it was going to happen. You know that feeling of just not being able to get comfy no matter what you do? That was me. So here I sit, blogging at 630 in the morning and watching the season finale of Real Housewives of OC. Jealous of my sophistication are you?

I really should be making a list of everything I need to pack for my trip and a list of everything I need to get done. But I don't want to. Usually I'm packed and ready to go days ahead of time, but not this trip. I'm so not excited about it I can't even motivate myself to prepare for it. I'm ignoring it really at all costs. I know everyone is probably so sick of me talking about how much I don't want to go. And even a few people have told me to just not go if its that awful for me. Except that not going isn't really an option. If it was, I wouldn't be getting on a plane in 48hrs. My mom is graduating from Graduate Progam in Nursing from the University of Washington. A really big deal back home. Logan's first birthday is going to be a huge family affair. My in laws are beyond excited to see him and have all these plans and trips are on the itinerary. Plus my sister could probably use her older sister home right now. Not that I have any idea what the hell to say to her. Or how to help her deal with all of this. I don't even really know how I feel about it. I feel extreme pity but anger too. So I have to try very hard to not let my emotions or thoughts show. Just be as neutral as I can be. Which, for me, is very difficult. I'm not one to hide my feelings. Heaven forbid someone ask me. I'm really not that good of liar. How do I even begin to navigate my way around that?

So for now, I'm sitting on the couch at almost 7am, drinking coffee and have now moved on to watching Army Wives. And of course now I hear Logan stirring awake. Well.....ok then.

Bleh

My coffee is taking far too long to get done this morning.

I'm not in a very good mood today. I'm trying to turn it around before Matt gets up. If I don't our whole day is going to be pissy and frankly I'm too tired to deal with that right now.

Matt was supposed to get up with Fella this morning. My last chance to sleep in for the next few weeks. That didn't happen. He must have passed out while watching something last night because when we came down stairs this morning he was passed out on the couch. Then he went right upstairs to bed. Thanks. I keep telling myself I'm going to go take a nap when he does get up but even I know that won't happen. There are too many things I need to get done around here before I leave. I don't have time for a nap.

I really wish I married someone even remotely mechanical. He can't fix, build, or put anything together. I totally do all that stuff. My family is always telling me how great it is that I can do all that stuff. That I don't need a man around to do it for me. On the one hand, yes, it is great. I live a lifestyle that requires my husband be gone frequently so its beneficial that I am able to go into the tool box and get the job done. On the other hand, it gives Matt no motivation to do anything. He just tells me so I can go do it. I wish I knew how to do all that stuff but Matt didn't know it lol.

Also this is the 2nd day in a row I've gotten up and my phone has been messed with. matt's been texting with it. He hates his phone and needs a new one, but we are only a couple months away from our upgrades and he wants a super nice phone. That he is only going to destroy. So I refuse to pay for it right this moment when we can get it in just a couple months for almost next to nothing. So he's been using my phone to text back his soldiers and stuff. But then he erases all my text messages. Like I won't know he's been on it. It really irritates me for some reason. i think because I have my last phone still. It works perfectly fine, I just upgraded. I've told him to switch out the SIM and use it. "Its pink". Fine. I'll use it and you can use mine for the next couple months. "No. Thats dumb". Well than shut up about it! And stop using my phone!!

I'm really hoping this cold thing goes away before Wednesday. I really don't want to fly sick.

5 days until home

I am not looking forward to this trip home at all. I don't want to go. If it weren't for my in laws I honestly wouldn't be going. I would take the airline credit for my ticket and go on vacation somewhere else entirely. And I'm really upset that Matt isn't going to be coming home with me. Its great that he'll be meeting up with me there eventually, but 12 whole days of dealing with this catastrophe all alone....its not going to be pretty

Crazy will always be crazy

I really don't understand. Is there something wrong with me? Am I some crazy bitch who just doesn't know it? I would think that if I were that bad I wouldn't have the awesome friends that I do. I wouldn't probably have any friends at all. I wouldn't have a husband who adores me. I just don't get it.

Some of you may remember about 6 months ago a close friend of mine here seemingly dropped off the face of the planet. We had a conversation via email and she took something I said the wrong way and just stopped answering calls, texts, emails, deleted me from Facebook, the whole nine yards. I know that conversations via email there is no tone of voice, no afflection of the face so its easy to misconstrue something that is typed. So after a couple days I sent her an email saying I wasn't sure what had happened but that I was sorry if I offended her or made her upset in any way. But also that my feelings were hurt because she didn't speak to me about whatever it was. That I thought we were better friends than that and I certainly have no problem explaining myself or answering her if she comes to me with a problem. She emailed me back and we were fine. I had put on my Facebook page that I was hurt when a supposed friend just cut me off and didn't bother to come to me. The response was the same from many of my friends, wasn't the friend you thought she was, its fine you're better off without her and so on. Well I can only assume that she went back thru my Facebook page after we cleared the air and saw that posting from a few days before and dropped me again. Again with no word at all. So at that point I called it good and walked away.

That was in January. Now for some reason this girl has been in my head for the last couple weeks. I don't know why the universe put her in my head but it did. On Wednesday last week I found out. Matt came home and told me that her husband was the NCO who had been picked to go to Honduras for 6 months, leaving in July. Matt had been up for this trip for a while but was told he was too big of an asset to the shop to send. So they were going to send someone else from another section of the unit. I was not at all surprised when he told me that her husband had been picked because he is extremely reliable, a hard worker and very trustworthy. Also he and a senior NCO have been having some personality conflicts and getting them away from eachother was a priority. So after a couple days of thinking about it, I decided to reach out an olive branch to the girl. I figured this was why the universe had popped her into my brain. I know she doesn't have many friends here, she lives off post about 40 minutes so she isn't really connected to the community either. Also I figured she wouldn't be moving back home to Arkansas because she avoided even going home on leave. Her family and her in laws are not the greatest. I just thought it couldn't hurt to have another person available to help if she needed anything. I know 6 months is a long time to be apart from your spouse even if they aren't going into a war zone. She also has a 3 year old son so it never hurts to add to your support system.

Last Friday I sat down and wrote her an email. I just told her that I wasn't sure what had happened between us but that I was sorry for it and I wasn't interested it drudging it back up or talking about it. I just wanted to clear the air and let her know that I missed her friendship and was willing to start off fresh and anew if she was too. If not, that was fine too but that life on my end was calm and going fairly well and I hoped the same was true for her and her family. I got no response. Ok, guess thats my answer.

Then on Sunday or Monday morning I recieved a friend request from her on Facebook. I accepted. There was no direct interaction between us after that. Just friends on Facebook.

Yesterday I was having an epic battle with Tmobile. I got my email that my bill was ready to view so I went and looked at it. Normally a bill around $100 was suddenly over $200. It was listed as data charges. Matt and I don't have smart phones. No internet, no email, nothing. So I went and looked at our individual phone statments for downloading charges or something and nada. The only place these data charges were is in the final line of the bill. So I called Tmobile and spoke to them. They said they would look into it and call back within a couple hours. By the end of the day I still hadn't heard from them so I called back. This is of course after Matt got home and I filled him in on the billing issue. When I called Tmobile back I was given the good old transfer to 5 different people in 5 different departments. Nothing was accomplished. They are going to get back to me by the end of the week. Our bill isn't due for a couple more weeks so as long as it is fixed by then its fine. I really don't care. Matt however is furious. If I didn't pay attention to it or he had paid the bill it would have just been paid including the overcharge. He has no idea what the phone bill usually is and the bill is an automatic payment from our account so if I hadn't checked on it and stopped the auto pay, we would have just overpaid. He told me to file a complaint with them. I don't care enough to spend the energy and time to do that. They'll fix it and I'm not paying it so its not that big of a deal. Matt thinks it is. And he got me a little heated about it too after we discussed it further.

So I put a status on my Facebook: "Do I remain pissed in silence or do I say something. I don't really care enough to put forth the effort, but I feel like not saying anything makes them think they won." One of my friends asked who was in trouble and I responded that no one was in trouble. I just seriously dislike being dismissed and ignoring me won't make me go away. Then all hell broke loose.

This woman apparently assumed that I was talking about her or to her indirectly and commented "OMG!!! I knew it!!! What were you just being nosy trying to find out what I've been up to the last few months when you messaged me? Ignoring you may not make you go away but deleting and blocking you sure will. Grow up and get a life!!!".........HUH?

This remained on my page for over an hour until I saw it and promptly removed it. I was so embarassed that she would put something like that on there. Not everyone knows my history with this chick so I can only imagine what they thought when they saw that. My comfort came in the form of my friends who came riding to my rescue. Most of them calling her out on the inappropriateness of her comment and her ego level if she thinks something like that is directed towards her. Someone even asked her what she had done to feel so guilty about to cause her to be so defensive. Even after I removed it and simply stated that crazy will always be crazy, friends who hadn't seen the display and had no idea what was going on messaged me to ask if it was said girl being weird again. I love my friends.

I was sick for hours. I literally felt like I was going to be sick. I had to talk to Matt about it (and if you know Matt at all, he detests drama like this. He likes his life as simple as possible and wants nothing to do with it) in case her husband confronted him about it at work. I was also embarassed to tell him. I didn't want him thinking I went out of my way to start something with this woman. He of course knew I was just trying to be nice and said I just had a really big crazy attractor. He said if her husband approached him he would just explain she was talking about our phone company and if your wife took it different we were sorry but that wasn't his problem and he didn't want to be involved in it.

I just don't get it. Why would I go out of my way to apologize (again!) only to do something like this to her. One thing I have never been accused of is not being direct. I would never say anything about someone that I wouldn't say to them. If I was talking about her I certainly would have made it clear by putting her name or something. Why would I take the time to get her back on my Facebook page just to be passive aggressive about something. Don't you think I would want to make sure she saw it and knew it was about her??? Wouldn't I have just sent her a bitch email in the first place and not a nice one. Why set myself up for disaster if I wasn't genuine??

Then this morning I saw that she had unblocked me again. So I promptly got rid of her and blocked her on my end. As well as any friends she has here. I don't want to have any direct line to me at all. I guess I should have just stayed the bitch. I'll know better next time I guess.